[ A strange, unhappy chill spreads its way across Gansey's chest.
Those words hold a weight to them that he doesn't want, and cannot bear.
His head slides against the door jamb, and it takes a moment for him to
talk again. When he does, it's very quiet.
[ Frustration meets the chill now. It manages to warm it, a little, but not in any way that feels positive. ]
Do you think I don't know that? I know you can't be kissed, Jane.
[ He breathes out a sigh that's almost as loud as his words. ]
I just wish that you could. I don't want someone else. I know who I want. And that doesn't stop, just because we can't -
Because we decided not to -
[ He blows out air, running his hand over his face. ]
Do you really think I would want to date someone, and spend the entire time wishing they were you? Because that's what would happen, and the truth is I have no interest in...in pretending.
[ She listens to him. listens long and hard and takes all of it in.
This curse used to feel stupid. It was easy to dodge it. Just don't kiss anyone. How hard was it to keep your lips to yourself?
It wasn't just that, though. She was slowly getting it now. It was a curse that demanded to take root once her true love was found. it was an inevitability that hung heavy over her head. This curse would find a way to fulfill itself. Just like it had with Jesse Ditley. ]
Do you think that's what I want?
I'm being realistic here. I don't want to hold you back.
Then he shifts, all of a sudden, moving onto his knees. He taps at the door. He's not rough or loud with this, but compared to how low their voices have been, it's a definite change. ]
[ He goes straight in, and as soon as the door is closed, he turns into her. His hands go to her waist, and he pushes her gently back, until the wall stops her. Gansey still leans forward.
He cannot kiss her. He cannot express that want.
So he leans his forehead against hers, and his eyes fall half-lidded, and be breathes in the scent that is entirely Blue Sargent. ]
I know who I want.
I would rather sit by your door every night and do nothing more than talk to you, than kiss some other girl in place of you. I'm not even supposed to touch you. But you need to believe me.
[ Her breath catches when his hands go to her waist. She feels the wall against her back but it's a distant sensation. She's too full of him right now to care about something else in the real world right now.
Her heart thuds in her chest and her arms go around him.
she pulls him closer. she leans into him. she drops her head and nudges her nose against his jaw. ]
Gansey... [ Her voice is soft. ]
It's you for me too. Only you. I don't want anyone else.
[ He is not supposed to touch her like this. He is not supposed to be so close to her lips, and he is certainly not supposed to be telling her she's the only girl he ever sees.
But one rule had been broken, and the rest had followed. Now, it's impossible to stop. Gansey follows through, wrapping strong arms around her and pulling her close. His head tilts as she nudges against him, as though he'd expected it. As though he anticipates every move that she makes, because every move feels right.
It's a physical effort to stop himself from touching her chin, from tilting her head up and kissing her lips. The urge to do so is incredible, undeniable. That's why there is only Blue. He could never replicate this feeling with another. Gansey has dated before, but it's never been like this, and having known this, he can never go back.
His head drops to her shoulder, pressing in against the hollow between her neck and jaw. He can feel his pulse racing in his fingertips. Surely she must feel it too, with how tightly his hands are pressed to her back. ]
Neither do I.
I'll follow the rules, Jane. I promise I will. It's just that for once, I had to let you know.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
The idea makes her heart tighten at the thought. If it was true she'd have to turn Kitty down. She wouldn't want to hurt her. She does like her.
She just loves someone else. Something Kitty knows. If only in part. ]
She doesn't like me. So it's not a problem.
no subject
Well, she doesn't like me, either!
And if she did, then I would explain, that...that nothing could ever happen between us. [ A pause. ] You know I would.
no subject
Why shouldn't something happen? We're not..
You're not dating anyone.
no subject
[ A strange, unhappy chill spreads its way across Gansey's chest. Those words hold a weight to them that he doesn't want, and cannot bear. His head slides against the door jamb, and it takes a moment for him to talk again. When he does, it's very quiet.
Not defensive. Sad. ]
I know.
And nor shall I be. I feel very clear about that.
no subject
I wouldn't blame you...
no subject
Is that what you want?
[ His tone is sharper than he means it to be, because of that spreading chill. ]
I'm not interested in dating.
[ Not unless it's you. And it can't be you, and so he's not interested at all. Gansey's hands have clenched together. ]
I don't have any intention.
no subject
God no. she wants him. She wants to kiss him. And hold his hand in public. And date him. ]
Ignoring the... Adam problem...
We can't be together anyway. I can't kiss you.
Someone else could give you everything without risking your life to do it.
no subject
Do you think I don't know that? I know you can't be kissed, Jane.
[ He breathes out a sigh that's almost as loud as his words. ]
I just wish that you could. I don't want someone else. I know who I want. And that doesn't stop, just because we can't -
Because we decided not to -
[ He blows out air, running his hand over his face. ]
Do you really think I would want to date someone, and spend the entire time wishing they were you? Because that's what would happen, and the truth is I have no interest in...in pretending.
no subject
This curse used to feel stupid. It was easy to dodge it. Just don't kiss anyone. How hard was it to keep your lips to yourself?
It wasn't just that, though. She was slowly getting it now. It was a curse that demanded to take root once her true love was found. it was an inevitability that hung heavy over her head. This curse would find a way to fulfill itself. Just like it had with Jesse Ditley. ]
Do you think that's what I want?
I'm being realistic here. I don't want to hold you back.
no subject
Then he shifts, all of a sudden, moving onto his knees. He taps at the door. He's not rough or loud with this, but compared to how low their voices have been, it's a definite change. ]
Let me in, Jane.
no subject
then she stands. she opens the door and moves aside to let him into the room so they can close the door behind him. ]
Gansey....
no subject
He cannot kiss her. He cannot express that want.
So he leans his forehead against hers, and his eyes fall half-lidded, and be breathes in the scent that is entirely Blue Sargent. ]
I know who I want.
I would rather sit by your door every night and do nothing more than talk to you, than kiss some other girl in place of you. I'm not even supposed to touch you. But you need to believe me.
It's always going to be you.
no subject
Her heart thuds in her chest and her arms go around him.
she pulls him closer. she leans into him. she drops her head and nudges her nose against his jaw. ]
Gansey... [ Her voice is soft. ]
It's you for me too. Only you. I don't want anyone else.
no subject
But one rule had been broken, and the rest had followed. Now, it's impossible to stop. Gansey follows through, wrapping strong arms around her and pulling her close. His head tilts as she nudges against him, as though he'd expected it. As though he anticipates every move that she makes, because every move feels right.
It's a physical effort to stop himself from touching her chin, from tilting her head up and kissing her lips. The urge to do so is incredible, undeniable. That's why there is only Blue. He could never replicate this feeling with another. Gansey has dated before, but it's never been like this, and having known this, he can never go back.
His head drops to her shoulder, pressing in against the hollow between her neck and jaw. He can feel his pulse racing in his fingertips. Surely she must feel it too, with how tightly his hands are pressed to her back. ]
Neither do I.
I'll follow the rules, Jane. I promise I will. It's just that for once, I had to let you know.